Wants

I'm tired of this merry-go-round life I have. One minute I'm doing great and the next I'm back down in the hole I dug myself 5 years ago, it's seems like only yesterday that I started digging that grave though. Everyday I want to cry myself to sleep, but refrain from doing so because I'm the strong one, I'm the one that shouldn't hurt ne more, I'M EVERYONE'S ROCK GOD DAMIT! Well when can I not be this "rock" that everyone needs, when can I finally just crawl into that hole and go to sleep for the rest of my life. I'm tired of the pain, no one sees all the hurt in my eyes. No one cares to know that all I want in my life is love and family, I don't want all this other bullshit stuff. Call me old fashtioned I guess but I want a family I don't care if I'm 20 or not, I've wanted it since I was 18. I want to be with someone who will love me and who I can take care of just like a wife should, I just want to be happy. But dreams are dreams right, I have been yet to find someone who wants the same things out of life as me and I never will. My reality bites. I see those girls that have kids but don't want them and all I can think is how lucky they are for bring such an amazing thing into the world to love. But enough about my wishes or dreams whatever you want to call them. Maybe just plain insanity I donno. I do know this though , I have never once in my life gotten something I have wanted... I give and give but never ask or receive ne thing in return. Why is it then that I get punished in the end? Why is it me that want to lay down and die every night? Why am I alone? WHY?? I don't understand and I'm frustrated all to hell, I don't want to cry ne more but I can't seem to stop the tears now.

Terra