Kierra

Kierra-Lynn Ann, born March 11th 2006 at 9:06pm, 6.6 pounds.

Wonderful

You know I've realized I always start out a new post by saying "it's been awhile", and well it has but I think I need to find anew way to say it.

So uhhh it's been awhile, and I thought I would say hi to everyone, and well let them know what's up! Here's what's up in the world of Terra... I had a baby girl. Her name is Kierra-Lynn Ann, she is now 2 months and a day old (born March 11th at 9:06pm). I had her by emergency C-section 3 weeks early, now she is healthy and it's wonderful. I never knew being a mother would feel like this, it's a feeling I never want to go away and I'm happy it never will. Kierra has become my everything, and I couldn't be happier that my World is full of sunshine and poop! LOL

Kierra's dad is in the picture, so is his whole family. Jack love's her to death, his mom, dad, and brother do too. I was scared through out the pregnancy that he would choose to not be apart of her life, and surprised when he came around and fell in love with her like I did.

On a different note, do any of you know what it is like to break someone's heart? Well I had the unwanted pleasure to find out how it feels to do so to another person. A friend of mine told me he loved me, which he always dose when he gets a few drinks in him. And sure enough every time I tell him I'm sorry that I don't feel the same way. But this time he told me he wanted to die because he couldn't be with me, he went the whole 9 yards to make me feel like shit for not loving him back. I can't help the way I feel, and I'm not going to make myself unhappy (and be with him) just so he can be happy. I've been unhappy for most of my damn life, and now that I'm happy I'm not giving it up for the world. Granted if he dose hurt himself I will probably fall back into depresstion, blame myself because he said it would be my fault, and well never forgive myself for him doing that to himself. But I wasn't going to lie to him just to keep him happy, he wanted to talk to me with out the bullshit so he got the truth point blank. I don't love him and he can't make me love him. Yet why do I feel so shitty for breaking his heart like this, I never knew how it felt to hurt someone like this, I knew all to well what it was like to be on the other end of the stick though. That would be the shit end if you all didn't know already. But never the side where your putting the person in the shit end. It really truly sucks ass, I have not felt this shitty in along ass time. OH but another kicker about this is, he knows all about my past and stuff, but he had the nerve to tell me I didn't know what it was like to want to die... I got pissed and yelled at him. He doesn't have to pop pills every damn day just to stay sane, or go to see a head doctor every month so he's not thrown back into the loonie bin (or funny farm however you know it as)... No I don't know what it's like to wish for death to show up at my door step, not at all. Fuck he made me mad, then when I told him I had to go and feed Kierra, and to talk to me tomorrow when he was sober, he told me I was dead to him and got even madder at me (then the guilt trip got worse). I said goodbye, felt bad for ignoring the rest of the things he was saying, but it had to be done right? God can we say drama drama drama!

There is a hell of a lot more I should probably keep saying, but I am tired and need to be up in like 2 hours to feed Kierra. So for now this is going to have to be enough, until the next time see you all on the flip side of things!

Love Terra & Kierra